


Señora Parakeet’s Apartment Complex for Fucked Up Lil Bitches

by b1ffle



Category: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs
Genre: F/M, Group chat, M/M, but lovs Horace v much, claire and Olive are too young to have phones, enoch being a nuisance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-08-11 01:03:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16465733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b1ffle/pseuds/b1ffle
Summary: Just a group chat fic





	1. Yes daddy

Message to Señora Parakeet’s Apartment Complex for Fucked Up Lil Bitches [4:20 am]

enoch: B L A Z E I T

Horace: Literally go to sleep you troglodyte. 

enoch: yes daddy ;)

Horace: do NOT

Millard: I just gagged. 

Emma: Enoch you’re like 12. The only daddy you have is your father. 

enoch: my father’s dead :(

Emma: All of our’s are. Go to sleep. 

enoch: nu 

Emma: You give me headaches. 

Bronwyn: EVERYONE GO TO SLEEP PLEASE OR ILL FIGHT YOU

enoch: well, since you said please. 

enoch: also fuck you emma I’m 14

[2:14 pm]

enoch: this class is so BORING oh my GOD

Horace: Same. At least the boy who sits in front of me is cute ;)

enoch: WHAT?? WHO???

Horace: Literally.... turn around. 

Millard: Did Enoch just forget where he is?

enoch: listen m8

enoch: i dont know where i am 100% of the time. 

Fiona: Mood

Hugh: !!! Hi Fi!!! How’s your class?

enoch: ew straight people

Fiona: It’s good :)

Fiona: Shut up and go kiss ur boyfriend, Enoch 

enoch: how bout i kiss yours

Hugh: Pls no,,

Emma: GUYS I’m gonna add Jake to the chat ok

Hugh: Ok

Fiona: Kk

Horace: Sounds good :)

enoch: ughhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH 

Emma has added Jake to the group. 

Jake: hi guys :))

enoch has removed Jake from the group. 

enoch: not today satan 

Emma: SNOCH!!!

Hugh: Snoch

Horace: Snoch

Fiona: Snoch

Bronwyn: Snoch

Millard: Snoch

enoch has changed their name to “snoch”.

Emma: I hate all of you

Emma: BUT ESPECIALLY YOU ENOCH

Emma has removed snoch from the group. 

Emma has added Jake to the group. 

Emma: Hello and welcome, my looooooove

Jake: hello for real, everyone

Horace: Emma!! No one is allowed to remove my boyfriend from this chat except me!!

Horace has added snoch to the group. 

snoch: thank you light of my life :))

Bronwyn: gayyy

snoch: only for horace <3

Horace: <33

Emma: EVERYONE SAY HI TO JAKE

Bronwyn: hi Jake!! 

Fiona: Hiya!

Hugh: Greetings!

Millard: Salutations, Yakob. 

Horace: Heyo

snoch: fuck off. 

Horace: :( Enoch be nice please. 

snoch: yes daddy...

Hugh: I will pay you cash money, real dolla bills for you to stop calling him daddy 

snoch: no amount of money will get me to stop calling him his proper title

Horace: Enoch I haven’t even SEEN your dick. I’m not your daddy. 

snoch: yet ;)

Bronwyn: please go to church


	2. hughbert and the wench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enoch is home sick and Fiona is salty

[7:12 am]

snoch: im gonna die

Emma: Oh happy day

snoch: :(

Horace: What’s the matter, my love?

snoch: im sick :(((((

Horace: Aw :(

Horace: Are you coming to school?

Emma: Literally just go two rooms down the hall and ask him in person. 

Horace: My alarm hasn’t gone off yet, Emma. It’s written in the constitution that I can’t get out of bed yet. 

snoch: idk. when miss p comes in, ill see what she thinks

snoch: ok she says i have a fever. guess im staying home

Horace: Noooooooo

Horace: How will I survive the horrors of high school without you?

Emma: You have us, you know. Your other friends?

Horace: But I can’t kiss you guys :(

Brownyn: ill give u a kiss on the cheek :)

Horace: It’s not the same, I need someone to snog between algebra and chem. 

Millard: Maybe you can actually focus on your grades now instead of defiling the second stall of the third floor boys bathroom. 

snoch: HORACE!!! make sure no one poops in our makeout spot

Horace: Yes, daddy.

Bronwyn: NO HORACE NOT YOU TOO

Hugh: We lost him,,, it was swell knowing you, Horace

Millard: I hate this chat and I hate all of you. 

[12:27 pm]

snoch: how is lunch without me :(

Emma: Wonderful. It’s quiet and they’re serving chicken tenders. 

snoch: :(((((((((

Horace: I miss you so much, Enoch. 

snoch: i miss you too

Fiona: It’s been like 4 hours guys. It’s not that serious. 

snoch: DONT COME AT ME WITH THAT SHIT YOU WENCH you actually cried when hughbert stayed home sick last month 

Bronwyn: he called her a wench idjjxksjdxiendi

Millard: Are we just gonna ignore Hughbert?

Hugh has changed their name to “Hughbert”.

Fiona: Hugh!! You’re not even gonna defend me??

Hughbert: I mean,,, he’s not wrong. 

Fiona: >:(

[2:57 pm]

Bronwyn: hi everyone! friendly reminder that if your hands are ever cold its just your ghost bf holding them!

snoch: m

snoch: my feet are cold


	3. The Big Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enoch is The Big Sad

[3:27 am]

snoch: yall ever just

snoch: cry a lil bit

Emma: Are you okay?

snoch: ???? literally go to sleep stop worrying about me its 3 in the morning

Emma: It’s my job to worry about you lot. 

Bronwyn: that’s actually my job

snoch: BOTH OF YOU GO TO SLEEP

snoch: let me wallow in my misery alone until dawn

Horace: Why the HE*K do I have so many notifications from this chat

Emma: Enoch’s having a moment

Horace: Aw no bb :(

Horace: I’m on my way!

Millard: If I hear one single moan

Millard: From the other side of my GOOD CHRISTIAN BEDROOM

Millard: You and Enoch can both go sleep in the closet. 

snoch: but we came out of the closet decades ago

Horace: Can’t put me back in the closet, I’m already out. 

snoch: AH SHIT BABE

snoch: CALL US A 90S BOY BAND BECAUSE WE SURE ARE NSYNC 

Horace: Ah shit

Horace: Here we go again. 

snoch: stop making memes and come cuddle me 

snoch: im The Big Sad (tm)

Horace: Yes, daddy. 

Emma: We were so good,, so good for a few days there without your S I N

[10:32 am]

snoch: FUCK algebra

Fiona: Why when you can fuck me instead?

Hughbert: FIONA HWAT

Fiona: IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU

snoch: lmaooooooo ur girl wants to fuck me, hughbert

Horace: Can you blame her?

Emma: I see many things wrong with this. 

snoch: yeh same

snoch: 1) im taken

snoch: 2) im gay

snoch: 3) ew

Fiona: WTF YOU MEAN EW

Bronwyn: skskssksk he said ew

Fiona: DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

Hughbert: Enoch be nice to her :(

snoch: nah

Hughbert: Well, I tried. 

Fiona: FUCK ALL OF YOU

snoch: I ALREADY SAID NO THANK YOU

Jacob: does anyone here pay attention to class? anyone? 

snoch: jacob you should add your tall hot friend to the chat

Jacob: tall hot friend?

Horace: With the green hair?

snoch: yeah that’s the one

Horace: YES Jacob please add him

Jacob: i am NOT adding fuzzy-lumpkin-ass ricky to this chat

snoch: FUZZY

snoch: LUMPKIN

snoch: ASS

Jacob: first of all, y’all both want him and y’all are dating each other

snoch: y’all 

Jacob: second, no I like that it’s just our little family here

Emma: Aw, Little family :)

Millard: Bronwyn’s the mom. 

Millard: Claire and Olive are the babies. 

Millard: Enoch is the estranged uncle that only shows up to the occasional cookout drunk and high and ends up getting arrested for trying to fight the neighbor’s son and we don’t really mention him except to say tell our children ominously not to end up like him. 

snoch: sounds about right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read, kiddos! -B1

**Author's Note:**

> Idk. But thanks for reading! Leave a comment! ~B1


End file.
